so long story short, I have been fascinated with Ancient Egypt, Maya, (2:22pm on the clock right now), and all their Gods and Goddesses. Now, I am Jewish and didnt know much about Judaism. So my fam, especially my uncle been trying to get me out of Egyptian spirituality and into Judaism. so he found a Rabbi and sent me on a 1 week retreat to Yusemete.
I went and it was lots of fun. i learned many things about Judaism I didnt know before, and in the end it's all the same as I look at other spirituality. but there were a few problems. 1) it was all jewish guys who are either into or want to learn about Judaism. I met 1 or 2 guys like me though, who don't really care for being religious. 2) they all talk down on Egyptian spirituality and call it paganism, saying how there is only 1 god and that all the gods and goddesses in Egypt or other spiritualities are OUTSIDE of the one and only god, 3) they talk about Egypt like it is a prison and every week as they do Shabatt on friday and saturday they have ceremonies, songs, and food acting out them/us leaving Egypt to freedom.
Now I dont really have any problems with this, but i am trying to GO to Egypt, not leave it. I dont look at ancient Egypt as a place of prison but a place of mystery. also, my understanding of slavery in Egypt was when the wrong people got into a place of power. does that mean ALL of ancient Egypt is bad and evil? no! in fact, i am willing to say that most of it wasnt about that. especially when the pyramids were built. that part of history we know almost nothing about. but everytime the jews at my retreat talked about Egypt it was either "oh, this jew lady's personality changed and she actually had her last reincarnation as a slave in Egypt" or "we are now free from slavery in Egypt" blah blah blah. i was like man... i cant stand this mentality. it's almost like black people still blaming the white man and talk about how he is holding them down. its the same sort of thing, and i am tired of it.
my fam and 1 Rabbi that really liked me at the retreat want me to go deeper in Judaism. they want me to go to Israel and study Torah. but my heart is not in it. in fact, i am bored and completely not interested in Torah. praying 3 x a day and reciting traditional stuff is really not for me. it makes me uncomfortable, feeling like i am doing an orthodox and traditional things that dont really work for me. I want to learn Kabbalah, but people are like "thats jumping, you gotta study Torah first for 20 year". I already got my own way of praying, have my altar, use candles. i developed my own spirituality and am really close with one Egyptian Goddess, but they dont care. my uncle even said that "this the only way youll be close to people. otherwise if you stick with your goddess, youll be alone without meeting anyone". the messed up thing is that i think he is right. but ill just be around people who dont see eye to eye with me and who even look down on MY way of praying, and connecting with spirit.
what are your thoughts on this?